Usually these bodily functions occur on the run with little fanfare, because of the understanding of this unwritten rule. Well, in most cases. If one of the guys in my running group (let's call him Lester) had Indian food the night before our run, we usually give him a good ribbing (and keep our distance). Ha! Anywho, normally, the 5th-grade humor is left at home and we all just know it's going to happen to us all at any given point in time, especially on those really long runs.
Running etiquette says that a runner pulls to the side of the pack when he/she needs to spit or launch a snot rocket. If it's a windy day, the runner needs to pull off to the side as well as navigate to the back of the pack as to prevent a running buddy from becoming the victim of backdraft splatter. And if you have to flatulate, well, being in the lead of the pack is probably not the best position....pull to the back of the pack. But as long as you adhere to these few rules, no one cares about S.B.B.s on the run.
I feel, however, that I need to make a few clarifications, especially for the newer runners. This unwritten S.B.B. rule only applies to the great outdoors. Now, we all have ooopsies while on the treadmill at the gym, and those are forgiven. But, restraint must be exercised while in enclosed areas.
A recent treadmill run at the gym was the real catalyst for this post. I arrived at the gym at 5:00PM not really expecting to see an open treadmill. But low-and-behold, right in the middle of a sea of occupied treadmills was a free one on the second row. Well, I quickly sprinted for the free machine. After hopping on and doing a minute or so of brisk walking to get warmed up, I noticed an odd odor.
My first reaction was to take a whiff of my own workout clothes. Nope, not them. They were clean. Yet, this odd odor was getting stronger. Then I heard that tell "tail" noise....a toot! Not one, but a rapid succession of them. Toot, toot, toot. tootie-tootie-toot!
Okay, I quickly realized why my prized treadmill was free. It was downwind of a toot queen on a treadmill directly in front of me! This lady was letting them fly faster than a sniper with a machine gun! Difference being this "sniper" wasn't hidden. She had on ear buds and I guess she was thinking, "Out of sound. Out of smell." NOT!
Well that was the fastest 4-miler I've ever logged on a treadmill. A PR. No lie! But I don't recommend it as a training tactic.
So please, remember that when you're on a treadmill, you're not really going anywhere. There's no sudden breeze to whisk your fowl air away. And please have pity on your fellow runners who may be down- or side-wind of you. The S.B.B. rule only applies when running in the great out doors!
It's kind of funny. I went back to the gym the other day, and the same lady was there. And guess what? There was a vacant treadmill behind her again. I used an elliptical machine that day.